Mental Health, Addictions, and Self-Care Menu
Many people suffer from addictions, abuse, trauma, and grief. Learning about and doing self-care is one way to allow oneself to heal and create new beginnings. How do you take care of yourself? Self-compassion, self-love, engaging with others you trust, being cared for by medical and/or mental health professionals, learning more about your situation, joining supportive and compassionate communities, walking in nature, prayer, and meditation can be helpful for self-care.
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Living, Learning, Loving
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - September 2024
"How much data can a human brain store? In my 83 years on this planet, I have absorbed so much data. I have probably read 5,000 books and articles... I have synthesized my learning into a few general beliefs which will carry me through to the last of my days. Here are thirteen of them. 1. It is better to live in gratitude than in regret or resentment..."
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Breaking Out of Prisons of Childhood: Coming into Oneness Consciousness
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - August 2024
"Many of us grew up in a variety of prisons. Rigid dogmas, cultural norms, circumstances -- these all imprison children. Being locked in a "prison" means limited access to wholeness, and powerful shame, control, and addictions. Here are a variety of prisons that lock children up..."
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See You Later, Navigator
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - September 2022
"The world can be a challenging place to live. Jesus told us to be "IN the world, but not OF the world." To be not OF the world means that one does not live needing earthly approval, praise, or validation..."
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Cycles of Living - From Abundance or Scarcity?
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Dr. Michael Obsatz uses the “Cycles of Living” model below to look at the characteristics of the life of a person living from “abundance” and another person living from “scarcity.”
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The Movement From Empire Consciousness to Oneness Consciousness
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
PERSONAL/EMOTIONAL/ SPIRITUAL
"From: I feel alone and abandoned
To: I feel loved and connected to all of creation
From: I don’t think I’m worthy of being loved
To: I am worthy of love just as I am."
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How Empire Consciousness Produces Emotional Pain and Trauma
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - January 2024
"Empire Consciousness is about power, domination, control, competition, marginalization, fear, oppression, and violence. Those at the bottom, the outgroups, are continually bombarded with messages of deserving to be abused, of shame, of being punished so those at the top can have more..."
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Oneness Consciousness and Empire Consciousness Connection
by Dr. Michael Obsatz and David Tillman
"Here is way to look at the connection between Oneness Consciousness and Empire Consciousness. Some people see and experience more clearly Oneness Consciousness while living in a predominantly Empire Consciousness culture."
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The Four Life-Affirming Declarations of Interdependence
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - February 2023
"The world can seem like a scary and hostile place sometimes. Life has many ups and downs, gains, and losses. We are inundated by messages of who we are supposed to be, and what we are supposed to do. These four life-affirming declarations allow us to know who we are and understand how much we are loved..."
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How Your Life Can Be Different if You Work to Change the Way You Experience and Express Your Anger
by David J. Decker
"An important part of changing any attitude or behavior that is not helpful to us is to clearly identify the very real benefits that can become a part of your life if you actually work to make this important change happen... Below are some of the reasons that people have offered in this program to help motivate themselves to do the hard work that is necessary to change this important aspect of who they have been..."
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Thirty-Six Life Lessons I Wish I Had Learned Earlier
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"In my sixty-four years of living, I have experienced incredible joy, health, and abundance. I have
also had hard times, setbacks, betrayals, and disappointments... We were very poor, and I was
bullied for six years by classmates, from first to seventh grade. Life was indeed hell back then. It
is much better now, and I feel very connected to many incredibly wonderful people..."
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Why Are You Angry? Learn More
by David J. Decker and Dr. Michael Obsatz
"1 - Eight Types of Anger, 2 - Take the Anger Pre-Test, 3 - Take the Anger Index Self-Test, 4 -Consequences related to becoming punishing, explosive, and abusive - by David J. Decker and Dr. Michael Obsatz
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Where Anger Can Affect You in Your Life
by David J. Decker
"WITH PARTNERS AND FORMER PARTNERS
…loss of relationships with partners who were once important to you …conflictual, contentious, and volatile divorces, sometimes costing thousands
of dollars..."
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Self-Talk that Promotes or Interferes With Your Being Assertive
by David J. Decker
"How you think about the situations where you might wish to be assertive has a lot to do with whether
you will actually make the decision to take the risk to speak up for yourself in a variety of situations.
Positive thoughts and self-talk can actually promote your being more direct, open, and assertive with
others. Negative thoughts and self-talk will interfere with and undermine your efforts to be assertive..."
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An Anger Analysis
by David J. Decker
"Use this exercise to get a better understanding of what you anger feels like to you, what you
get angry about, how you learned to express your anger from those who influenced you in
your life, and how you can begin to change the way you express your anger when you
experience it..."
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The Developmental Stages of Partner Relationships When Anger is an Issue
by David J. Decker
"There are some clearly-identifiable stages that are possible when anger is or has been an issue in your relationship. During the power struggle phase, when you start to realize that you are, in fact, two
separate and different individuals, there are several directions you can choose to go. You can become “stuck” in ongoing conflict or in leading parallel lives (or you can go back and forth between
these two states), you may actually decide to end your relationship, or you can heal from the past, change, grow. and actively move toward becoming a healthy relationship..."
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Some Specific Examples of Controlling Behavior
by David J. Decker
"Controlling behaviors come in all shapes and sizes. Below are some very specific examples of
controlling behavior that clients have shared with me over the years. Attempts to exert the types of
control noted below are always hurtful, shaming, and destructive in a relationship. Look through
the list and identify any that you have done or experienced yourself..."
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How to Handle Your Anger More Effectively and Respectfully: The Short Course
by David J. Decker
"1) Slow down, “step back,” and become aware of your anger cues and triggers and start to notice when
you are actually escalating ... 2) Acknowledge your anger to yourself and accept the fact that you are angry; screaming “I am not angry” at the other person only indicates clearly that you are, in fact, angry and escalates you even more..."
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Healthy Boundaries
by David J. Decker
"Healthy boundaries are absolutely vital in developing healthy relationships and help us connect emotionally and become truly intimate with others while we (and others) are still able to maintain our own separate and unique identities as individuals..."
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Lost: Understanding and Coping With Abandonment
By Dr. Michael Obsatz
"We hear a lot about abandonment. Infants are abandoned in front of churches. Victims of bullies are often abandoned when they come forward and tell their truth..."
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Traditional vs. Assertiveness Beliefs
by David J. Decker
"The deep-seated core beliefs that you have about yourself, your rights as a human being, and the
world around you have a lot to do with whether you will make the decision to be assertive in your
day-to-day life. Below are some examples of traditional beliefs..."
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Some Questions about the Impact of Your Family of Origin and Your Childhood on the Rest of Your Life
by David J. Decker
“Understanding How Your Early Life Experiences Can Affect The Development Of
Toxic Shame In Who You Have Been And Who You Are Now...Use the following questions as a means to “transport yourself back in time” to assist you in remembering what your childhood was like and to help you identify where you developed your shame and your current unhealthy and dysfunctional patterns, attitudes, and behaviors..."
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Our Feelings And Emotions: An Important Part Of What Makes Us Human
by David J Decker
"The feelings and emotions that you experience are the building blocks of effective communication and genuine intimacy with others. But for many people, especially for the men in this culture, the first step to getting in touch with feelings and emotions is just to know that they are present..."
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Moving Toward A More Balanced Life As A Man
by David J Decker
"The focus of this article is on the concept of balance. What does balance mean in terms of the way we live our lives? ... In this article, I’ll talk about one important way to help
you achieve balance and I’ll touch on a few of the issues that I see as important in living with “mental and emotional steadiness..."
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Finding JOY in the JOurneY: Ending the Cycle of Shame and the Need for External Validation
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - June 2024
"How do we find JOY in the JOurneY? Let's see. Shame is a feeling of worthlessness, and not being enough, not measuring up, failure, being a mistake. Guilt is "I made a mistake." Shame is "I am a mistake..."
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Holy Opportunity: Finding Meaning In Our Lives
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - May 2024
"It is a miracle that we exist at all. We have been born into a world of complexity -- small, helpless, and completely dependent upon our families and caretakers. Since those who care for us are imperfect, they will likely project some of their fears, insecurities, and limitations onto us. We are wide open, receptive, and totally vulnerable to whatever is given to us..."
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Trauma Consciousness: Erosion of Trust
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - May 2024
"We need to understand that those who experienced massive trauma in their lives see life differently than those who have not. People who suffer historically, people who have been enslaved, oppressed, violated, and abused live in fear. They need to feel safe and have their basic needs met. They don't have any certainty that tomorrow will be peaceful, accepting and liberating.
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Unleashing the Inner Voice: How Self-Expression Cultivates Well-being and Empowerment
February 2024
"In an era where stress and societal pressures often overshadow individuality, the power of self-expression emerges as a beacon of hope, leading to enhanced well-being and empowerment..."
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Some Consequences Related to Becoming Punishing, Explosive, and Abusive With Others
by David J. Decker
"BEING AWARE OF AND THINKING ABOUT THE POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCES
BEFORE YOU SIMPLY REACT WITH HURTFUL, DISRESPECTFUL, OR ABUSIVE
BEHAVIOR CAN BE PART OF THE “DE-ESCALATION STRATEGIES” PORTION OF
THE ESCALATION PREVENTION PLAN THAT YOU DEVELOP FOR YOURSELF..."
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Awareness of Our Human Shadow Offers Healing
by Dr. Michael Obsatz and David Tillman
"From before birth, and through our lives, our human shadow develops, grows, and influences our daily lives."
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The Rules of Shame Based Systems
by David J. Decker
"The following rules are common to all shame-based systems, both families and other types of organizations. All organizations have rules; having rules helps things run more smoothly. Unfortunately, the rules of shame-based systems and people are rigid, unrealistic, and destructive, and become the credo
by which members of the system strive to function..."
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Why It Can Be Difficult for Women to Leave Abusive Relationships
by David J. Decker
" One of the most perplexing questions for many professionals and laypeople alike is “Why does she stay with him?,” “Why does she ‘let him’ treat her that way?,” or “Why doesn't she just get out of there?” A similar question is often asked about a woman living with an alcoholic: “Why does she put up with it?”
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The Foundations of Effective Anger Management
by David J. Decker
"Sometimes it seems like anger is all around us. We continually hear stories from the media about domestic abuse, road rage, gang violence, school shootings, and wars and genocide all over the globe. Unfortunately, this type of behavior is not so unusual in our society..."
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What Do You Mean I'm Being Controlling?
by David J. Decker
"Many people become confused and even quite upset if a partner or someone else in their lives accuses them of “being controlling” in their relationship together. And most people are all too quick to completely dismiss the notion that they are being controlling without really thinking about what the other
person..."
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What We Can Do About Domestic Violence
by David J. Decker
"WHAT WE CAN DO AS INDIVIDUALS TO ADDRESS DOMESTIC ABUSE AND CHEMICAL DEPENDENCY ISSUES - The issues of domestic abuse and chemical dependency often trigger feelings of confusion, anger, powerlessness, hopelessness, and depression in the families where they are occurring and
in us as a society..."
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From Self-Doubt to True Potential: How to Defeat Imposter Syndrome
by Gwen Payne
"The invisible walls of imposter syndrome can seriously impede career growth and personal development. This Life’s Journey article aims to empower you to fully capitalize on your talents by diving into practical steps for tackling this all-too-common psychological barrier..."
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From Shallow to Hallowed: From Empire Consciousness to Oneness Consciousness
by Dr. Michael Obsatz -
July 2023
"Peter Mayer wrote "Everything is Holy Now," a beautiful spiritual reminder about how he learned to see the extraordinary in the ordinary.
It seems like we have a big choice to make: Do we live in the shallow end of life, or do we go deeper into the mystery of life with all of its beauties and complexities?..."
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Understanding Your Shame
by David J. Decker
"The first step in beginning the process of overcoming your shame and moving beyond being a shame based and “emotionally-stunted” person is to understand what shame is, where it comes from, and how it has affected and is currently affecting your life..."
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The Gentle Art of Listening
by David J. Decker
"How often do you really listen to what other people are saying to you? How often do you
feel like others are really hearing what you are trying to say? Listening is an absolutely critical
skill in human relationships. Unfortunately, we often don’t listen very well, especially to the
people who are most important to us..."
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Is Your Anger a Problem? (For You or Others)
by David J. Decker
"What we do with our anger is a pathway into the experience of being human. Everyone, male and female, gets angry from time to time. This can involve feeling annoyed, frustrated, irritated, aggravated, and sometimes even rageful. These emotional states are all on the continuum of anger..."
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Avoid Sickness in the Home With These Simple Steps
by Gwen Payne - September 2022
"There are many ways your home can make you sick without you even realizing it. From invisible mold spores to lead in your water... So how can you tell if your home is making you sick? And more importantly, what can you do about it?..."
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The Power of Self-Talk
by David J. Decker
"Almost every moment of your conscious life, you are engaging in self-talk, which is also called “automatic thoughts.” This is your internal thinking process. It is just like a continual dialogue with yourself. These are the words, phrases, and statements that you use to describe and interpret your world.
Self-talk literally creates your reality..."
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9 Unique Ways To Beat Mental Health Problems
by Gwen Payne - August 2022
"If you’re struggling with mental health issues, you can improve them by changing your lifestyle. However, you must know that you’re not alone. In 2020, 26.3 million Americans used mental health services to boost their mental well-being..."
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The Anatomy of an Argument that Spins Out of Control
by David J. Decker
"Angry people are continually making choices, even though they may feel and look completely
“out of control” to themselves and those who happen to be around them at the time.The escalation to
more intense anger and to explosive and punishing behavior can be increased by simply reacting to the
situation.."
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Oneness Consciousness: Not Letting Our Emotional Wounds Define Us
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - May 2023
"We have all been wounded emotionally. Some of us have been hurt more than others. Emotional and physical abandonment cause wounds. We are wounded emotionally by our parents, caregivers, family members, friends, and strangers..."
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Trustworthy Long-Term Consistent Mentoring
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey have written a book about childhood trauma called "What Happened to You?" One of the problems with early childhood trauma is that it changes the victim's brain chemistry."
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Some Different Styles of Communicating with Other People
by David J. Decker
"Some cynical people make the assumption that the goal in learning to handle your anger more effectively is simply to “make you shut your mouth and turn you into a wimp.” In fact, nothing could be further from the truth..."
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Our Human Woundedness - How Do We Heal It?
by Dr. Michael Obsatz January 2023
"We realize that we were wounded by people who didn't know how to treat us. They couldn't love us because they weren't spiritually connected and didn't love themselves. Healing the wound is realizing the wound was never about you. It was about them, and their pain..."
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TIME-OUTS: They’re Not Just For Kids!
by David J. Decker
"The time-out has been a staple of effective parenting for a long time. When kids are acting “out
of control” or reacting in ways that are not helpful to them or their parents, it has been a very helpful tool
to separate them from the situation, allow them to think about what has been going on, and then come
back to go through what happened in a more productive fashion..."
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Children in Trauma: Abandonment, Abuse, and Forced Conformity into a Dysfunctional World
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"1. All children are born with parents who are imperfect, and who have had to cope with a world living out of scarcity, fear, and lovelessness..."
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A World After: Exploring the Changes Brought on By COVID-19
By Gwen Payne - October 2022
"For many people, the pandemic has been a time of great upheaval, and while some changes have been blessings in disguise, others have proven difficult to manage. Here's a look at some of COVID-19’s impacts on employment, family dynamics, personal health, and more..."
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A World After: Exploring the Changes Brought on By COVID-19
By Gwen Payne - October 2022
"For many people, the pandemic has been a time of great upheaval, and while some changes have been blessings in disguise, others have proven difficult to manage. Here's a look at some of COVID-19’s impacts on employment, family dynamics, personal health, and more..."
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4 Steps to Healing Fatigue for Parents of Special Needs Children
by Gwen Payne - August 2022
"This article lays out a concrete, step-by-step plan to help the parents of children with disabilities assess their fatigue and address the root causes of these issues in a sustainable way..."
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Some Myths about Love, Intimacy, and Relationships
by David J. Decker
"Everyone has his or her own set of myths about intimate relationships that can come from both your
childhood experiences and the culture-at-large. These myths create unrealistic and unhealthy expectations
and core beliefs about relationships with partners..."
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Some Different Types of Intimacy in Partner Relationships
by David J. Decker
"There are a variety of ways that couples can be close in the context of a intimate relationship. No relationship has all of them. Look through the list below and pinpoint the types that exist in your relationship with your partner currently..."
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Cultivate Your Garden: Journeying Through Life With Few Expectations or Agendas
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - July 2022
"We travel through life from the time we are born until we die. We go many places, meet many people, and have a wide variety of experiences. Some of these experiences bring us joy, others bring us pain..."
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Life is an Evolving Door
by Dr Michael Obsatz
August 2023
"Every day is a new beginning. Every day provides opportunities to give, love, share, grow, challenge, experience, and learn.
Seeing life this way means that we are evolving all the time. We change, gain wisdom, become older, and have new challenges. Never a dull moment..."
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Trust, Abuse, Disillusionment, Betrayal, Anger, and Forgiveness
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
This is the heading
"Can we forgive Hitler? Or Saddam Hussein? What about mass murderers like John William Gacy of Chicago who killed over thirty young men and boys and buried them in his basement? Why is it so hard to forgive?"
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The Ultimate Shame-Buster: Overcoming Shame Through Spiritual Connection
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
This is the heading
“God Don’t Make No Junk”
Shame is pervasive in all cultures. Shame is a feeling of unworthiness, incompetence, and self-hatred.
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Thirst – God and the Alcoholic Experience
by James B. Nelson, book excerpts by David Tillman
"“Spirituality is a response to her human sense of incompleteness – whatever form that response might take. Religion, on the other hand, is a communal expression of that response...
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Improving Yourself: A Comprehensive Guide to Self-Improvement
by Gwen Payne
"Are you looking to improve your life, but not sure where to start? The good news is that self-improvement doesn't have to be complicated or expensive. There are several simple steps you can take to improve your physical health, mental health, and overall well-being..."
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The Not Always Gentle Protective Heart
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Moore and Gillette describe four archetypes -- the lover, the warrior, the king/queen, and the magician."
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The Five Things We Cannot Change – Video
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
Dr Michael Obsatz talks about David Richo’s book, The Five Things We Cannot Change … and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them. 1) Everything changes and ends, 2) Pain is a part of life,..."
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Key Ingredients in Creating and Maintaining a Healthy Relatationship with a Partner
by David J. Decker
"A healthy relationship with a partner can be a difficult proposition. It takes an investment of time, energy, and
emotion and a commitment to work at your relationship in an ongoing fashion. In reality, BOTH partners need to be
willing to make this a priority if it is actually going to happen..."
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Self-Sabotage: Why Good People Hurt Themselves
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"What is self-sabotage? It is when people who seem to have everything going for them engage in some foolish behavior that either kills them, hurts them, or gets them into trouble..."
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Paper on “Adult Children of Alcoholics”
by David Tillman
"This is a recap, in outline form, of quotes and paraphrases from the book: Adult Children of Alcoholics."
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The Quest for Maturity and Sobriety
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
I believe there is a crisis among many of America’s children. They live in a state of prolonged immaturity and self-aborption. Many of them are ignored, neglected, abused, and manipulated into becoming addicts."
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Anger: A Normal and Natural Emotion: What It is and What It Isn't
by David J. Decker
"Just what is the feeling of anger that many of us experience so much of the time? When does it become something other than the normal and natural emotion that it is supposed to be?
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Using Buddies: Overcoming Chemical Incest
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"How did Robert Downey, Jr. become hooked on drugs? Some people wonder if his dad enticed him into drug use when he was very young. There are millions of young people whose parents use drugs, and want their kids to become “using buddies.”
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Paper on Alcoholics Anonymous
by David Tillman
"Alcoholism is an unsanctioned illness in our culture. Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A) primary focus is to help alcoholics stop drinking and stay sober."
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From Trauma, to Trust, to Triumph video
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
“A trauma is a damage to the mind that occurs as a result of a severely distressing event."
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“The Wounded Healer” Book Review
by David Tillman
"Here are some quotations from Nouwen’s “The Wounded Healer” that spoke to me."
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Overcoming Shame Through Self-Love - video
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
Mike talks about what shame is, how shame develops, how shame affects people, types of shame, what we can do about it now, and how we change it.
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A Conflict Resolution Model
by David J. Decker
SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT CONFLICT RESOLUTION: There is no guarantee that using the following model will necessarily lead to resolution of your conflict. This is especially true if you and the other person view each other as “enemies” and do not assume some good will in your relationship.
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We Have Overcome This Day
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - October 2022
"We have all been wounded emotionally. Some of us have been abused physically or sexually. Others have been shamed. Some of us have endured beatings. Others have been harassed and verbally abused. Many of us have experienced losses of loved ones..."
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Loving, Creating and Letting Go
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"David Richo, in his book, "The Five Things We Cannot Change," tells us that everything changes and ends. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross reminds us that every little loss we experience is preparation for our ultimate loss of leaving everything, of dying..."
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The Metaphysical Heart -- An Inside Job
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Oneness Consciousness comes from the Metaphysical Heart. It is a pervasive awareness of the inter-connectedness of all of creation."
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Self-Compassion as a Spiritual Practice: I am Not the Mistakes that I Have Made
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"India Arie has recorded a beautiful song called "I am Light." One of the lines in the song is "I am not the mistakes I have made.... I am light.""
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Healing from Life's Trauma and Setbacks
by David Tillman
"Judith Herman, in Trauma and Recovery, writes about the three stages of recovery from trauma"
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Paper Written with Insights from “Aging” by Henri J.M. Nouwen
Paper written by David Tillman
The book “Aging” by Henri J.M. Nouwen has expanded my formulation and understanding of my own aging process which reshapes my theology and practice of ministry.
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