Relationships and Social Interaction Menu
It takes two people to create a relationship. At times relationships break down. When that happens, take time to reflect on what happened. What part in this is my own stuff? Look at what can I do to bring us back into relationship? From our birth we have been interacting with our family, friends, community, classmates, co-workers, and others in the world we may never meet. Explore who taught you how to socialize and interact in the world. How does that serve you now? Who do you spend time with and who is in your inner circle?
Kindness 101
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - August 2024
"I am paying attention to being kind to everyone who provides a service for me. This includes waiters and waitresses, clerks, doctors, nurses, lawn care people, pharmacists, grocers, delivery people, spiritual teachers, etc. Also, I try to be kind to friends and strangers..."
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How to Navigate Toxic Environments
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - August 2024
"We have all experienced environments which are toxic. They have many aspects in common: Toxic environments are hierarchical, with some people having power over others. They could include work environments, family, spiritual institutions, schools, and political establishments. Toxic environments use power, control, shame and guilt as ways to control people..."
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The Movement From Empire Consciousness to Oneness Consciousness
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
PERSONAL/EMOTIONAL/ SPIRITUAL
"From: I feel alone and abandoned
To: I feel loved and connected to all of creation
From: I don’t think I’m worthy of being loved
To: I am worthy of love just as I am."
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Some Important Elements of Effective Communication: How To Make An Authentic Connection With Those Around You
by David J. Decker
"Communicating with others can be a very difficult and complex proposition. We all have our own values, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and experiences. These can dramatically influence what we hear from others and how we interpret and respond to their messages they send us. These are the “filters” through which we view and interpret the world around us..."
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Hitting Below the Belt: “Dirty Fighting” Strategies That Will Always Undermine Effective Conflict Resolution
by David J. Decker
"Conflict resolution is a important skill in a relationship since there is absolutely no way to completely avoid disagreement when you’re truly close to others. Unfortunately, at times, we all lapse into unhealthy and
destructive patterns of relating to our partners during conflict..."
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The Developmental Stages of Partner Relationships When Anger is an Issue
by David J. Decker
"There are some clearly-identifiable stages that are possible when anger is or has been an issue in your relationship. During the power struggle phase, when you start to realize that you are, in fact, two
separate and different individuals, there are several directions you can choose to go. You can become “stuck” in ongoing conflict or in leading parallel lives (or you can go back and forth between
these two states), you may actually decide to end your relationship, or you can heal from the past, change, grow. and actively move toward becoming a healthy relationship..."
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Healthy Boundaries
by David J. Decker
"HEALTHY BOUNDARIES ARE ABSOLUTELY VITAL IN DEVELOPING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AND HELP US CONNECT EMOTIONALLY AND BECOME TRULY INTIMATE WITH OTHERS WHILE WE (AND OTHERS) ARE STILL ABLE TO MAINTAIN OUR OWN SEPARATE AND UNIQUE IDENTITIES AS INDIVIDUALS..."
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In the Company of Other Men - The Importance Of Having And Maintaining Male Friendships
by David J. Decker
"There are no two ways about it. We as men desperately need other men in our day-to-day
emotional lives. All human beings, male and female, need friends and confidant(e)s. Research is becoming even clearer that having other people to talk with about our important life concerns is part of what keeps us healthy: we get sick less frequently and this even helps us live longer..."
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Key Ingredients in Creating and Maintaining a Healthy Relatationship with a Partner
by David J. Decker
"A healthy relationship with a partner can be a difficult proposition. It takes an investment of time, energy, and
emotion and a commitment to work at your relationship in an ongoing fashion. In reality, BOTH partners need to be
willing to make this a priority if it is actually going to happen..."
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Selective Vulnerability
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - March 2024
"It is important to express one's authentic self -- with wants, needs and feelings.
But it is also helpful if one is careful about where, how, and with whom one expresses oneself. There are safe places, and unsafe places..."
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Trusting: Strategic Discernment and Selective Vulnerability
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - May 2023
"In our lives, there are people we can trust, and people we can't trust. It is sometimes very challenging to discern who fits into each category. Erik Erickson, a psychologist, wrote that trust vs. mistrust is the first developmental stage of emotional growth..."
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C.H.E.E.R. Us On
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - April 2023
"We are here to CHEER each other on. We provide listening, support, suggestions, encouragement, and a safe space for others. In my life, many people have served as "cheerleaders" for me. ..."
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Some Assumptions about Intimate Relationships
by David J. Decker
"Beginning with a basic understanding of what to expect in intimate relationships and how relationships actually work can dramatically decrease the potential for negativity, cynicism, and a desire to “get back at” and control your partner. The assumptions listed below offer some ways to start thinking about your relationship with your partner to assist you in moving in a more healthy and positive direction..."
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The Four Life-Affirming Declarations of Interdependence
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - February 2023
"The world can seem like a scary and hostile place sometimes. Life has many ups and downs, gains, and losses. We are inundated by messages of who we are supposed to be, and what we are supposed to do. These four life-affirming declarations allow us to know who we are and understand how much we are loved..."
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Empire Consciousness Lessons: Eighteen Lies We Are Taught as Children
by Dr. Michael Obsatz -
July 2023
"We are little, powerless, and open to learning as small children. Through our parents, families, and friends, strangers, teachers, and mass media, we learn about the world, and our place in it. Some of the messages are encouraging and helpful. Some are true. But many of them come from a narrow way of thinking -- Empire Consciousness..."
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Twenty-Four Nuggets of Wisdom at 81 Years
by Dr. Michael Obsatz January 2023
"It is amazing how resilient we are. We are walking miracles. In every challenge there is hidden blessing. Good, long-term friends are priceless..." by Dr. Michael Obsatz
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Nobody Is Safe in an Empire
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"My parents loved me, but they could not protect me from ruthless bullies, a climate of hatred, and a dysfunctional, anti-Semitic school system..."
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Empire Consciousness, Oneness Consciousness, and "Not Taking Anything Personally"
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
December 2022
"In his book, "The Four Agreements," Ruiz encourages us to "not take anything personally.” When someone makes a comment to us, we are to see it as their idea, their impression, coming from their framework or lens..."
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Overcoming Praise Addiction - Day by Day
by Dr. Michael Obsatz -
May 2023
"We learn early on to please those who have power over us and take care of us. We are taught to "do what we are told" and when we do, we are often praised for it. If we "don't do what we are told" we are not praised, and sometimes punished..."
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The World's Wounds
by Dr. Michael Obsatz January 2023
"How do we attempt to heal the world's wounds? These wounds are ecological, physical, emotional, and spiritual. The world is suffering due to Empire Consciousness. This type of awareness of the belief system has existed for centuries. It is about separation, division, hierarchy, and scarcity...." by Dr. Michael Obsatz
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The Big Good-Bye: Don't Let Them Steal Another Day
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - March 2023
"When you hang around with people who abuse, shame or hurt you in any way, you are giving them your time, your freedom, your attention, your heart, and your life energy. They are stealing your life force from you..."
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Toxic Indoctrination into Empire Consciousness
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
August 2022
"As babies and children, we absorb information like sponges. We believe what we are told because we are helpless and small. We receive a toxic indoctrination into Empire Consciousness early in our lives..."
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Appreciating God's Back-Up Singers
by Dr. Michael Obsatz -
May 2023
"I recently watched a movie called "Twenty Feet from Stardom," about back-up singers and how little credit they have gotten for participating in the making harmonious, incredible music..."
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Grace and the Cosmic Dump
by Dr. Michael Obsatz July 2022
"We grieve where the world is at. War in Ukraine, gun violence and killings at home, corruption in the government, oppression of the poor, minorities, people of color. We grieve that life does not seem to be getting better for many people..."
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Victims of Bullying: Loss of Childhood, Freedom and Spontaneity
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - February 2023
"Recently, a young adolescent girl who was bullied by other girls killed herself. It seemed like a wake-up call for some -- about the devastating effects of this "normalized" behavior on many children, adolescents, and adults..."
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Denial: The Cornerstone of Empire Consciousness
by Dr. Michael Obsatz May 2022
"When I was working in chemical dependency programs, there was a lot of talk about "denial. It was about people denying their addictive behavior, and pretending everything was all right..."
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Denial of Reality: The Role of Minimization and Lack of Accountability in Empires
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - March 2023
"I remember being blamed for doing something wrong as a child and responding, "I didn't do it. It wasn't me." It might have been teasing my little sister or sneaking some extra cookies for dessert. Sometimes, I got away with it..."
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Distill, My Heart: From Empire Consciousness to Oneness Consciousness
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
November 2022
"Distill" is defined as "extracting the essential elements" from something. So, we can read a book, and distill its main ideas and conclusions. We can share that information with others, so they can "get the gist" of book without reading the whole book..."
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Inspirational Living for Ninety Years: The Losses this Year of Cicely Tyson, Sidney Poitier, Betty White, and Stephen Sondheim
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"2021 into this January has been a time of losses of some of the most amazingly insightful talents we have ever known."
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Solutions to Yet Another Mass School Shooting
by Dr. Michael Obsatz - May 2022
"I have been studying violence in America and its causes for more than forty years. My book, "Raising Nonviolent Children in a Violent World" was published in 1999, around the time of the Columbine Shooting,.."
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Mass Shootings, and the Tyre Nichols Massacre: The Powerlessness/ Fear/Domination/ Destruction Instinct Gone Crazy
by Dr. Michael Obsatz January 2023
"In Empire Consciousness, there is a fear/domination belief. The world is "we vs. them." There is scarcity. Either kill or be killed. You can't trust anyone..." by Dr. Michael Obsatz
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Healing the World's Pain
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"There is a lot of pain and suffering in the world. Some of this is unavoidable and can't be helped. Other pain and suffering are caused by actions, thoughts, beliefs, and circumstances created by other human beings. Some pain is physical, and some is emotional."
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Moving From Empire Consciousness to Oneness Consciousness – Video
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"In this YouTube video, Dr. Michael Obsatz talks about moving from empire consciousness to oneness consciousness. Starting with childhood abandonment issues and how it can lead to empire consciousness."
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What Really Matters
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Once a person reaches 80, life has a different feeling about it. What used to seem important seems much less important..."
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Why So Many Mass Shootings? What Men and Boys Really Need that They Don't Receive
by Dr. Michael Obsatz June 2022
"There is a hole in the heart for many young men and boys these days. Some are hurting so badly that they become depressed. Others become violent and take out their anger, pain, and self-hatred on others through mass shootings..."
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Men’s and Boys’ Pain and Isolation: Empire Consciousness and Spiritual Solutions - Video
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"What happens to boys' as they are growing up and how they become men. What kind of men they become and what happens to them as they grow older.
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How to be a Golden Receiver
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
Deborah MacDonald, author and business coach, talks about the difference between being a Go-getter and Go-giver. ...
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Oneness Consciousness and Empire Consciousness Connection
by Dr. Michael Obsatz and David Tillman
"Here is way to look at the connection between Oneness Consciousness and Empire Consciousness. Some people see and experience more clearly Oneness Consciousness while living in a predominantly Empire Consciousness culture."
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Really Henpecked: Living with 10,000 Chickens
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Henry lived on a chicken farm in New Jersey. In 1951, he was 10 years old. He worked on the farm with his father, mother, sister, and grandmother. They had 10,000 white leghorn chickens."
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Stepping into the Arena: Palm Sunday Is All About Courage
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"When Jesus decided to ride into Jerusalem on a donkey to program the "good news," he was taking a risk. He was putting himself out there."
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God-Angels: How God Works Through My Protectors to Keep Me Safe
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"When we say the words of the “Prayer for Protection,” we announce that the “power of God protects us.” This means that wherever we are, there is a God-force of loving, protective energy surrounding us"
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Celebrating the Divine Masculine
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Each of us have both Divine masculine and Divine feminine energies. Father’s Day marks the celebration of the Divine masculine in every person.
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The Flow of Love: The Three "L's" and Knowing True Joy
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"We can really feel joy when we know that we are lovable, loved, and loving...."
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This Listening Exercise Could Change Your Life
by David Tillman
In our seminary Grief and Loss class, we did the following listening exercise. It has changed my life.
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BEYOND THE DIVIDE – Seeing The Uniqueness and Divine Connection of Others at the Same Time
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Who Is a Racist? What Do We See When We See a Person of Color?
There is a lot of talk about racism these days since the recent murdering of numerous Black men and women."
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The Hostile Society
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Children learn how to become nasty, dependent adults when they are very young. They see hundreds of unhealthy, immature adults all around them."
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Empire Consciousness, Oppression, and the Dehumanization Process
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"To dehumanize people means to create in image of them that presents them as less than human. They are not really worthy of the rights, considerations, and fair treatment by others. Dehumanization is part of Empire Consciousness, which is about power, domination, control, and shaming."
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O Holy Night: Today’s Song of Liberation of Self and Others
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
Adolphe Adam wrote the words for “O Holy Night” in 1847.
Some of the words include:
“Long lay the world in sin and error pining. ‘Til He appeared and the soul felt it’s worth.”
“Truly He taught us to love one another.”
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Be Grateful for Today
by David Tillman
"I am learning to be grateful for the day, for the moment.I am learning to be grateful for the day, for the moment."
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Learning How to Listen Changed My Life
by David Tillman
As a chaplain, I have met so many wonderful and interesting people. After I introduce myself, I often ask, “how are you today?”
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Understanding Relationships
by David Tillman
"Trying to understand and make sense of a relationship, especially after it has ended, takes time and reflection."
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The Trauma of “Proving Manhood”
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Boys growing up in America experience trauma. They don’t have to come from dysfunctional families, or poor neighborhoods. "
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Hyper-Vigilance and Empire Consciousness: On Being Targeted
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
'When you are bullied, you are never free. You are not likely to be spontaneous, carefree, and enjoy life. You are on guard all the time. In one’s mind is: “When is the next beating going to happen?"
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From Shame-Based Masculinity to Holistic Manhood
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"When I was a little boy, I was repeatedly shamed and bullied. I was hit and hurt, and told that I was not a “real,” guy. I was put down, ridiculed, made fun of."
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Bullyproofing Your School
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Bullies are angry children who hurt others. They can use physical force (hitting, punching, shooting) or verbal intimidation (name-calling, putdowns)."
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Beyond “White Male Privilege” All White Men Are Not the Same
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"Every time I see all white men lumped together, it makes me sad. I have known thousands of white men over my almost 80 years on this planet."
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Be More Aware of People Coming into Your Life
by David Tillman
"Looking back, it is interesting how something I read or heard has stayed with me and enriched my life. In James Redfield’s book, The Celestine Prophecy, there was an insight about welcoming people who come into your life."
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How Are You Doing on Your Life's Journey?
by David Tillman
"The metaphor I am drawn to as I think of our life journey is that of a river flowing to the sea."
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Living Through a Week of Dying: The Unity Response
by Dr. Michael Obsatz
"It has been a week of violence, racism, abuse of power, and murder. This is on top of all the challenges of COVID-19. We have reached 100,000 deaths in the United States, more than from several of our wars combined.
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